Your story gave me the chills. I did something very similar and looking back on it I didn't want to be around my best friend and my long term boyfriend because she sensed that this man was bad news and she was the one person that wouldn't buy my BS. At the end of the day I was protecting my relationship and my pride because I knew she was the one person that could identify that I was truly losing myself and it killed her. I too am flooded with regrets.