Michelle-are you still with this guy? We have a lot in common it seems (anxiety, early child...), that being said, I was with a narcissist and this is how you know...All that unhealed trauma we have? They extort it. The good news is that once we recognize the behavior for what it truly is, we can allow ourselves to really explore within ourselves why we tolerated this treatment. Usually what we find isn't pretty and has been repressed for a LONG time. It's an opportunity to finally deal with what the Universe has been throwing in our face and to begin to advocate for ourselves. I am still angry and hurt, but I don't blame the narcissist. He honestly can't help himself because he developed this system of coping so long ago, he is incabable of change. I also felt some level of comfort with the chaos and control. It was an unconscious way of not having to deal with my sh.t. As I said, the unvierse has bigger plans for me.