Why do Narcissist Force us into Isolation?

Isolating targeted victims enables the narcissist to manipulate and control

The title sounds a bit dramatic I admit, after all, we are all adults, no one can force us into anything against or will. This type of force however, is gradual and insidious. Isolation is the narcissist number one go to in their arsenal of abuses. It is how they obtain and retain control. It is common to become their unwitting hostage, and we often don’t realize what is happening until it is too late.

Narcissists do not care for a judge and jury, they don’t want outside consultants weighing in or validating our misgivings. Most importantly, they don’t want to be exposed for the tyrants that they are. Their reputations are paramount to their survival and they must be seen as benevolent and heroic. Anything that could potentially reveal their true character is perceived as a threat.

During the love bombing phase of my relationship, although I admit I was pretty darn happy, there were some red flags. I thought perhaps I was being too critical, who was I to question Mr. Wonderful? My gut told me differently, so I decided to run a few things by my bestie. She was appalled. I don’t recall everything that she said, but bottom line, she told me to run. I was conflicted, after all, wasn’t this the guy who was supposed to redeem me after a bad divorce and some bad decision making?

wasn’t this the guy who was supposed to redeem me after a bad divorce and some bad decision making?

It felt that maybe my friend was being overly judgmental, but in my gut, I knew she was not wrong. I was just not ready to give up hope, so I pulled back from my friendship. Narcs have uncanny radar and when the ex sensed that there was something about the encounter with my friend that was off, he naturally assumed it had something to do with it him, isn’t everything about them? He began to malign my friend, and gave me the silent treatment each time she and I would get together. Eventually I began to avoid her.

This is just one example of how the process of isolation begins. Pacifying the Narc is just a part of it, it is also about our denial and our fear of abandonment. It is common for us to avoid the people that know us the best because they often force us to make a connection between our feelings and reality. They fear for the loss of our true essence, and a schism develops between us and them and us and us.

It is common for us to avoid the people that know us the best because they often force us to make a connection between our feelings and reality.

Friends, family, co-workers eventually all get targeted. The Narc may use different tactics, but the intention is the same. Narcs often ingratiate themselves with our family members to a nauseating degree. This causes future isolation because if you were to complain to these people they probably wouldn’t get it. You could even be accused of being ungrateful or too sensitive, remember, they have been gaslit as well.

Very few people understand how insidious narcissistic relationships are and sometimes getting adequate support from our inner circle is disappointing and futile. Most of us are strong, independent people, or at least we used to be, so those that know us the best, have a difficult time making the connection. This can further the isolation and even make us feel that the only person that can save us is the abuser, (this topic is for a future article).

There are people such as myself that have been caught up in this tornado and made it through. The most important part of initial healing is to get the support and validation from a fellow tribe member. There is often physiological harm to address and there are methodical steps to heal and rebuild.

Cheers to all my fellow warriors!

x